Pamela’s Web Log

Clearly, this could be a cold winter for me.

I was thinking of investing in a snow suit to keep me sufficiently warm on my winter walks with the Weeknights in Penintenary Glen walking group. Now it seems the snowsuit purchase will be needed for the indoor pursuit of staying warm in the house.

For months now Ed has expressed thoughts on how not to have a high heating oil bill this winter.  The end result is as of this moment we have an EdenPure Gen3 quietly humming away in the kitchen area.  The line of red dots indicating the amount of heat to generate are at the highest capacity. Currently I am still cold.

The EdenPure Gen3 has been on the man’s list for at least a year, maybe two. As near as I can tell that little store in Kirtland has one heck of a sales person for EdenPure. If this works well, Ed should get a commission for spreading the good news.

I am by no means the only other woman experiencing an inside landscape of frozen tundra. My daughter Marilyn has been trying to gear up for this moment all year long. Her man, Andy, has been a woodcutting machine since Spring. I give him credit for his foresight to offer to cut people’s trees for free, if he could have the wood. The net result is stacks and stacks of wood in their backyard. When their one and only huge beautiful maple crashed to the ground during the last big storm, Andy was elated.  It was rotting from the inside and needed to come down anyway. The storm conventiently caused it to topple horizontally into the middle of the yard. As the cold air came upon Northeast Ohio Friday evening, Andy gave a resounding do not turn the heat on! They lit a fire and slept on the floor next to the fireplace.  I wish them the best of luck with their plan.

As summer rode on into fall, I frequently heard conversations about people cutting wood. Marilyn says on her street it is wood mania. One older woman had a tree or branch to be cut down and at least six people asked her for the wood.  Most people I know are concerned about keeping their jobs, the cost of food and gas, and how they will survive the expense of heating their homes.

While the jury is still out as to how well EdenPure Gen3 will work, I think a trip to Gander Mountain sporting goods store is in order.  After all, what could be better than a down filled nylon fabric snowsuit; complete with swooshing sound as you walk, to battle frozen tundra. I can only hope that camouflage is not the new color for this year.

Blog.

That one word has been resting on countless lists since July.  Some of the lists are finely executed within an excel page.  Several lists are handwritten. I have a notebook dedicated to lists. I reasoned if I just put it in one notebook, I will not have all those pieces of paper.  Wrong.  Just yesterday I devised a new template in excel; that has lines and can be inserted under the rubber band on my 3.5 x 7 inch weekly planner.  I can handwrite the daily tasks I should/want to get done. Never mind that the weekly planner has lines for this purpose. There simply is not enough space. This does not count the list that constantly runs through my mind. That list wonders did I write that item down already or oh, that is something else that should get done. Again, there simply is not enough space.

I know much of the list making I do is obviously futile. I persist in true Nettleton fashion. I will not be swayed from overloading my daily schedule.  As a true Yankee at heart, I plow on in determination to make better use of my time and cross off more self - created tasks. 

I know that several of you out there are also list makers. It’s okay, you can confess to the desire to be in control of your lists. Flip your notebook pages, toss your 3 x 5 cards, all you want. Secretly the lists still take control of your life. We make lists thinking we are organizing our life into control. Life spins out of control none the less. 

The list making gene is connected to the own many journals gene; which is connected to the paper owning gene, which is connected to the book owning gene; and so it goes. All which are part of the list world. I have a notebooks that list the Firsts in my life, all the items I have knitted, quotes, weight gains and losses. Excel sheets that list finances, budgets, books I have read, want to read, movies and videos watched, genealogical birth dates, marriage and death dates (I wanted to see how many dates were the same over hundreds of years), things I want to,  places I want to go, and a list to remember to look at the other lists.

My list for this week has the following:

Report my visiting teaching for Sept. , make appointments for Oct. VT, gift for Beth, Colby, Connor, and Brayden, report walking miles for work health program, deposit Ashlyn’s check, finish grapes, blog, make a new batch of chili, work on paper piles, take phone books to recycle, take the regular recycling, pay bills, pay Esther’s bills, make curry & chicken soup, walkers group on Thurs., make ooey gooey cake, sen package to Heather and Ashlyn, read extra chapters in Book of Mormon, call the Cluffs to say goodbye, remind the kids to register to vote, take Sprint phones to be cleared of info and then give to Forbes house, update address book, update daily notebook (there it is again), activate At&t rebates, call about Esther’s medicare fiasco, get groceries for ooey gooey cake, order herbal Alphine tea from Two Leaves and Bud, go to Willo nature store, call Marsha by Friday night, get car e-check, go to general conference, get gas in the car, write family newsletter, empty car of items for Vanessa, Marilyn, and Matthew, make new reading schedule and new exercise schedule, set up Christmas gift making/getting schedule, write in regular journal, plan next temple trip, fill bird feeders, have Ed close storm windows in the house, upload pictures from camera to computer, get new scripture mark off bookmarks printed, and check with church distribution to remember just what did I renew. 

All in all a healthy list and surprisingly enough, much of it is already done. 99 % of the dangling loose ends will be finished today. Only one or two will carry over to Monday’s business hours.

No matter how you list your life, it always feels good to put a line through, a check mark by, or erase the entry in excel. One feels superior to the effects of life’s randomness when one can accomplish the futileness of lists.

There I am done. I have blogged. I can cross that off for this week and add it to next week’s list. See you all in another month or so, or maybe next week!

lined, that would fit into my Weekly Planner and one, just devised yesterday, is a template

  I arrived home from work in a downpour of rain. As I listened to the rain, I decided I had not enjoyed viewing a good rain storm in a while.  I walked out to the front porch.

  The rain was pouring off the gutter. Every now and then the wind kicked up and the gutter rain arched out from the porch.  I grabbed a styrofoam cooler to collect rain under the gutter.  I was as happy as a child playing in a mud puddle, watching the cooler fill up. In less than tweny minutes it was near the top.

I stepped inside to change out of my wet clothes. I returned to see if the water was now spilling over the edge of the cooler. It wasn’t. I was in the middle of the porch, leaning over the railing. It was then I noticed the bottom and part of the side of the cooler had burst. The improvised rain barrel was bust.

I quickly went inside, emptied a plastic storage container, grabbed an umbrella this time, and put it under the gutter drain. Alas, the storm was ebbing. I smiled and said, “It was a fine moment.”

Another fine moment happened for me on Friday; precisely at noon. My son, Jordan, called to say he was getting married on Monday, July 21st. He added, well, check with me this weekend to make sure.

9:00 am Monday morning found me waiting in the parking lot of the Willoughby Courthouse watching for Jordan and Chelsi to arrive. Another car pulled up that had two people who looked well dressed in it. I assumed correctly that it was Chelsi’s parents. 

Jordan had mentioned much earlier in the Spring, that they would probably get married before Fall. His perference was to go to the justice of peace; just Chelsi and him. I unashamedly requested that he, at the very least, let the parents be there. In the end, the parents were there, Chelsi’s sisters, two of his best buddies (who did not get the last minute informal invite, but decided they were coming anyway), plus Patty, Jordan’s second mom. 

It was a simple, yet moving ceremony. They looked absolutely happy and beautiful.

At some point in the near future they will have a renewal of vows and a reception where all of their family and friends can celebrate their joy.    

Jordan and Chelsi Rockower  

   It must be a sign, of some kind, when one wakes up at 6:22am and the first thing one thinks about is getting a blog written.  Then right after that, you remember the bizarre dream you had about a King Kong like gorilla who didn’t want to leave you alone.  Obviously you put your feet on the floor and get going with the day.

It is a sunny Saturday morning here in Kirtland.  After having rain for the better part of two weeks, it is wonderful to have sunshine for the second day in a row. First task this morning was to take apart the hummingbird feeder, clean it, and refill it. One simply cannot blog with such pressing tasks on the mind.

Outside of work, the main events in life the last twelve days have been preparing for trying to keep up with the wanderings of Nina and Roland, walking, and watching seedlings. Yes, plastic cutting is still thriving well, all be it, a bit on the back burner of life.

As I took care of the hummingbird feeder this morning I thought about how what types of things my life revolves around. Keeping up with family is definitely one huge area. Nina and Roland are my offical tour guides to far flung places in the world. One of the more exciting moments was when they were on the boat in some fijord, talking to me by cell phone. That is when I first heard of Skype. Roland had hooked up to Skype and walla insant phone. Skype came into the conversation this past week once again. Nina and Roland were in British Columbia roaming around car and cell phone wise. It was then that Nina reminded me that I needed to get Skyped. Later in an e-mail I told her I would get this done as it had been on my task lisk since they were in that fijord. I should be Skyped by the end of this weekend; which will take yet another pressing task off my brain.

All of this chatter made me remember that if it weren’t for them, I probably wouldn’t be so techy savvy. They gave me my first computer and have kept me progressing in computer, photo, blog, and now Skype. Not to mention all this effort on their part has helped with learning knowledge for jobs and being a young grandma in the twenthieth first century. I can’t thank them enough. I can love them to death though. I am sure that thrills them both to know. 

One of the new ventures in life I am working on is the Favorite Aunt status. This came to me after hearing about the beautiful countryside in Montana and the view from Dawnmarie and Kirk’s future retirement spot. Dawnmarie assures me I can bribe my way into that status and thus assure a spot to at least visit in my old age. 

Then the recent conversations on plastic have led me to get to know Heather and her clan better. Having visited her lovely home in Salt Lake in the past, I am more than happy to acquire Favorite Aunt status with them. I am vying for a spot in the window sill in the book loft. Heck the plastic cutting alone, (I hope) should warrant being lifted to the title. I was more than surprised to hear about her recent activities in the community when I made time to read her blog. Way to go Heather.

Thus reading Heather’s blog made me realize I needed to venture reading all the neice and nephew blogs. I have checked them out briefly in the past, but it is now on my brain to view them more often. This weekend, in my spare time, I will be delving into catching up on the lives of my neices and nephews. Since not all my neices and nephews are bloggers, it will be necessary to spend some quality time e-mailing them. The quest for Favorite Aunt status is on!

Moving along to another topic….. feet and walking. Most of my life I have been quite content to not participate in any form of exercise. Outside of the mandatory phases of high school gym, I have managed to succeed fairly well. However the encroaching years of life, waistline, etc. have convinced me I should have started a long time ago. Over the last five years I have made various attempts to improve my eating and allow exercise into my daily routine.

The last year and a half I have really put forth more of an effort. Then work started a get healthier program. They provided a yoga class that would meet right after work. I was hooked. I love yoga. Then they started a walk together program. They mapped out walking mileage around the neighborhoods that flank our office building. There is a website, via Google, I think that will map you walking route. You just zoom into your state and neighborhood. Quite cool tool. Anyway, I wasn’t going to put my name on the list of people doing the walking, because I figured I will just do it and it is not important to me to be on some list. 

When I wasn’t really being consistent with the weekly walking, I thought well maybe being on the list will motivate me to make it a priority; that and the fact I found out they have drawings once a month to receive a prize! Count me in!

Last year I had signed up for the America on the Move challenge. So many footsteps per challenge. When I logged in to the site last week, I found my original weight I had listed on Feb. 7, 2007. I have lost more weight than I thought. I was truly motivated to get moving again. I calculated what I needed to walk a minimum of four miles a day (8,000 footsteps) to really begin getting in shape. The first week I managed about 10 miles. I will reach 14.75 miles this week. My goal is a minimum of 12 miles a week. My maximum is set at 20 miles a week.

Well, an hour has passed, and that is enough time to be working on a blog. Babbling about seedlings will have to wait until later. I have to head out the door and get my last 8,000 footsteps done for the week. On that note … these feet are made for walking.

A bit more on the cutting edge, of plastic that is.

I expermimented during lunch with combining two bags together and cutting away.  The first time I cut both the handles and the bottoms off first. Then inserted one bag inside the other. Then I tried putting one bag inside the other and then cutting both the handles and the bottoms off. Lastly I cut the bottom of two separate bags, put one bag inside the other.  I leveled out the bottom edges and then cut off the handles. I think I like the last way the best.

In all three scenarios this is what I do once it is the tube shape. I bring the bottom edge up to about two inches from the top.  I bring the bottom edge up to the same place as the first fold. Then I do that a third time.  At this point, if necessary , i trim the side ends.  All the folds are on top of each other, one thickness. I cut through all layers of the fold in one cut.  

Next I put my hand through to hold up both bags and proceed to cut away.  When rolling up the first bag’s strip, just make sure to pull away the second strip as you roll.

In Pam speed it takes less than five minutes to get both bags done. This equates to 24 bags being done, from beginning to end, in one hour.  Considering I have been given about 200 bags since Sunday, and have 80 partially done at home, this is the new method for me.     Happy cutting!

   I have seen the plastic mountain and am cutting it!

I have received 119 plastic bags to cut into individual continous strips. I have just finished cutting the handles and bottoms off of all of them. This process has taken four hours.

While it still seems a bit strange to take plastic bags and cut them up so they can be turned into a different shaped plastic bag; I push on.  Never mind the additional mind numbing thought that they are then shipped/taken to Africa and then crocheted into those fancy new bags. A bit irony is that in Kenya, they are considering banning plastic bags because there are too many of them in the trash. As Nina said, there must be an easier way to help save a life and maybe we could send people over to Kenya to get the bags there. 

Part of the consideration is what can one do when spending four hours to cut up bags. I found the answer in a delightful little known BBC series called BallyKissAngel. At least it was little known to me. I now love Netflix more than I did before. I plug in my headset, push my lap top back on the table, click on the instant play feature on Netflix and away I go. Each epsiode is about 47 minutes long.

My scissors have been flying across plastic, laughter often erupts from my mouth, and time speeds on by.  I know there is strangeness and irony to this project.

I have mused about the hands that will touch this plastic that I have handled. For a couple of minutes I imagine the women receiving them. What would we say to each other if we were face to face? I told someone at work earlier this week - “If those women in South Africa can crochet plastic into bags to earn a living, the least I can do is cut the plastic for them”.

BallyKissAngel has six seasons with at about six episodes each. Over the next few weeks, when hours in the evening are free, it will be easy to find me. I’ll be here, cutting and laughing, and working on gratitude for my easy life.

I have recently succumbed to peer pressure. My sister, Nina, kept telling me that I should try Netflix instead of waiting for movies from the library. I reasoned the library is wonderful as well as cheap. Nevertheless, I cleared all my waiting items from the library rolls. I felt free from the daily wondering what item was arriving and what else to put on the list.

Then last week I decided to try the Netflix movie offer of free two weeks, two movies at a time. As an avowed movie buff I am more than pleased with the instant gratification Netflix offers. I love the instant queque feature. Less than two weeks into the trial phase I have quequed 20 instant items, mail quequed over 100 items, and have two friends! I’m sunk.

I have watched Charade and The Problem with Harry on my computer. The latter is a Hitchcock film that I had not seen before and it made me laugh. I started to watch Clive Owen in Second Sight and it was a no go for me.  At any rate this promises to be a great summer for home movies whenever I wish to see one.

Last night I took a trip to see my grandson play t-ball and to go to Enrichment night in my daughter Vanessa’s ward. After getting through rush hour traffic I had about ten minutes to watch Colby at his game. Then I dashed to Vanessa’s house to get over to church.

It was a good enrichment meeting.  Her ward always has quality programs.  After Relief Society everyone headed into the cultural hall for eats and the swap and shop. I took a casual walk around the swap offerings and saw a few items. I picked up a biography on Ezra Taft Benson by Sheri Dew and God planted a tree by Ora Pate Stewart. Then I spied some yarn. No one wanted it, so I snagged it for the missionaries at the Historic Sites in Kirtland. They make hats for the community in their down time.  Last but not least I picked up 2 hand made pottery plates. They have a whale swimming in the ocean design on them. If I ever learn how to put pictures on my blog, I will put them on.

I had a good time seeing the grandchildren & Dean and especially watching Vanessa in her element at church. It was so wonderful to be able to be with them again. I headed home from Vanessa’s house at 10:10pm with thoughts of getting straight into bed.

I had not gotten very far when I saw that traffic was stopped. I thought oh no, I am tired. I called Vanessa and got Dean. I said, if the headlines tomorrow say, “woman found sleeping in car” come and get me”.  Then I called Edwin to let him know I was at a virtual crawl towards home. Then I called Nina to see what she was up to at Heather’s house in Salt Lake City. As it turned out Nina and Heather were working on cutting up plastic shopping bags for a humanitarian project. I was most anxious to hear how it was going, as I was joining the project as soon as instructions were available.

I took a moment to chat with Heather as I drove. I told her I was tired and wanted to be in my bed. Even though if I was home staying up to midnight for a good movie it would not bother me. Referring to the traffic jam, Heather quipped - just pretend it’s a bad movie with no popcorn.  For over an hour, that is exactly what it was. None the less I was home by 11:45pm and my head was quickly resting on my pillow.  I could rest quietly knowing that while I slept Netflix was arranging a new movie to be coming on it’s way to me. Only in America.

     On Friday at 4pm, I left work with some friends from church to head to Palmyra, New York. Beth, Karen, and Esther (75 yr) gladly put all their items in the trunk and piled into the car. We were off for a little fun and spiritual uplift. 

The drive was uneventful for the most part. To break up the routine of the drive we started the alphabet game between three of us. Beth and I finished literally at the same second! We all took part in looking at looking for the different states on the license plates. We gave Esther the task of writing them down. Though the provinces of Canada are not states, we counted them as well.

We stopped at Angora, NY for a bite to eat at Denny’s. Angora, NY has this oasis that sits in the middle of route 90. One parks the car and then walk across the highway through a enclosed walkway. At the center is a little hub of restaurants, bathrooms, gift shops, and tourist information for Niagra Falls and the area. We chose to eat at Denny’s. An hour later and we were on our way again.

We managed to get to The Palmyra Inn around 9:30pm. What a great hotel! I am not sure how many rooms it has, but it is not very large. The Inn has only been around for about 2-3 years. It is clean, very nice looking and totally perfect for families or groups traveling together. Our room was beyond wonderful. When you open the door the room is a wide and long rectangle.

Our room was equipped with: one king bed, two twin beds, a full sized refrigerator, a mini kitchen area that included a two burner stove and cabinets with dishes and a small table. The kitchen area sits between the two twin beds and the king bed.  There were two large closets with four drawers. On top of one of the closets is a decent sized tv with both dvd and video capacity. The bathroom was very nice as well.

The hotel also has an exercise room, a large jacuzzi, a gift shop, and offers a very good continental breakfast. All this was for the cost of $144.00. Pretty good price to split between four people. I would stay there again in a heart beat.

Saturday we were up for breakfast and ready to head over to the temple by 8:15am; which was about one mile away. The Palmyra Temple is small, elegant, and beautiful. The most striking feature is the stained glass doors and window (in the celestial room). They are depictions of the Sacred Grove done in green. It is impossible to describe the subtle elegant beauty of this stained glass. In the celestial room the window sits on one side of the room and across the room is a large mirror. I happened to chose to sit beneath the window and view the window reflected in the mirror. It was breathtaking. I found it to be emotionally moving.

After being in the temple we headed into town for something to eat. We ate at Athena’s diner. A good old fashioned hometown diner. Then we headed over to the LDS discount bookstore: Latter Day Harvest.  We all shopped to our delight. I am sure the store was happy to have me arrive and take so many of their items away with me! Esther was looking at the t-shirts. She saw one she really liked, but felt she shouldn’t spend the money.  I said, ” buy it”.  The t-shirt had some green trees and the saying,  ” It all started with a prayer”.  Simple words with a ton of truth to them. Esther was super happy to have her t-shirt.

We stopped into the ice cream/fudge/everything under the sun for sale, store. It was truly an odd setup. It looked more like a mini flea market store. We bought our sweets and proceeded on to Hill Cumorah. It had started to rain and therefore our stay would be brief. We opted not to go into the vistors center. We were short on time. It was a first time for both Beth and Esther to see the area. Karen had not been in years. I had the good fortune to have visited the area, briefly, last summer with Ashlyn. Pictures were taken and we slowly walked in the rain back to the car. We were not anxious to  go home.

Our ride home was uneventful. Esther was worn out and fell asleep quickly. The rest of us elected to play a word game. That kept us occupied most of the way home. 7:30pm and we were back where we started.

I love going to the temple. Every temple is peaceful and beautiful in their own way. To me temple work is the easiest missionary work anyone could ever do. The importance and sacredness of temples is best described by others more eloquent than I. I can only say that if one has the opportunity to learn of temples and become able to attend, it is one of the greatest privileges one can have in this life; if not the greatest.  

Boxes are everywhere.  Boxes full of recycling.  Boxes marked china, books, crafts, and boxes marked Save Me From Myself.  The latter category contains the interesting and frightening items.

I have have frequently moved since 1968. By the time my last move rolled arround in 2004, I was truly tired of packing boxes. Hence boxes marked  - Save me from myself.

 Before work, one day this week, I decided to look inside one of those boxes.  Here are some of the items I found:

1.  A teal colored soccer shirt of Matthew’s. There is a Matt 6 written on the back, so perhaps he was 6 years old. It looks too big for that age, my memory says he was 10 years old. I guess I can finally put in a picture frame and give it to him for his 34th birthday!

2. The beautiful royal blue dress I made for myself when I was pregnant with Matthew.  I wore it when Rocky and I went to see the dam in Arizona. Short term memory loss on name of the dam. Hmm, do I put this in a picture frame as well?

3. An obi my sister sent me, a small magnetic board for cross - stitch, a pamphlet on Orchids, a deer antler fork (used when carving meat), seashell Nina gave me and several 3 x5 computer disks.

4. A 1959 First New Haven National Bank pocket calendar, about 5 x 3 inches that belonged to my grandfather, Ralph Lester Holbrook.  It goes from April 30th to December 23rd. That is an odd date to end a calendar on. There is nothing written in it. Hmm. Can I trash this?

5. An antique tin that says: J G Dill’s Best Cut Plug, Richmond, Va.  This is a keeper.  I wonder who owned it. I love tin/metal boxes.

6. Another metal box that says: Celestial Seasonings - Have a Celestial Night. I have common pins, grandma’s thimbles, a small piece of turquoise, 6 stamps, one puzzle piece, a very small piece of amethyst, an one oval piece of agate or flint. It is flat on the back side with a tag - $5.00. That certainly is an interesting mixture of items.

7. A Barnes and Noble gift card with Cat in the Hat on it. I wonder if it has money on it. I like to save gift cards. Oh, the obessiveness of collecting. Clearly my gift cards are not all in a neat and tidy place. I guess it is time to gather them up from a couple of places I know I have  put them. Once again it is time to either toss or create a very small picture frame collage.  Oops, two B & N gift cards. The second one has Eloise on it.

8. A wooden hanger, linens, my first atm card from Bank One (when they put pictures on them), my student id card from Lakeland Community College ( I look pretty young for a 40 yr old), a West Coast Video membership card and a Cuyahoga County Library card.

9.  Scout badges, various pieces of paper with notes on them. Of which there is one piece of origami paper. I thought how odd I put only one piece in there. On the reverse side is this note:                  John Paul:  

On April 19th I got off at American Airlines Terminal and I was on the plane when I realised I forgot to pay you. My deepest apologies for any inconvenience to you.  As I read it, I remembered I was in a hurry to catch a flight. I had taken a shuttle froma local hotel in Willoughby to the airport. When we got to the airport Ijust hurried on my way to catch my flight in time forgetting to pay him! I tried to locate him when I got back to pay the money and I could not. How does one repay a debt like that?

10.  Several temple cards from the Washington Temple. The kind where you could write down the names of the people you were proxy for.  A glasses prescription from Dec. 16, 1998. Not last and certainly not least, I have just pulled out a color slide. It is of Edwin! It is a picture of him down at the church genealogical library reading a big book or bible.  He has a beard. Ugh. He has graciously not worn one of those since we have married. Funny though, he is still wearing the same style of horizontal striped shirt.

There are a few more items in my box of treasures. No matter how silly each item may or may not be, there is a memory that floods my mind with each one. Nevertheless, even I have to admit some of these treasures are going into the trash! 

I am certainly a wayward blogger. This time it is Roland who has nudged me to return to blog. Thus I have searched Word in my computer to pull up items I wrote this year but have not posted.

This is the first one:

July 17, 2007 7:15am

Often we are learning lessons in life when we are not even aware that we are.

When I was quite young (between 4 - 6 years of age) near my home the upper portion of the fence post was hollowed out. Inside that hollowed out fence post was a nest of very young birds. I don’t remember which of us neighborhood children discovered the nest, but it soon was an object of great interest.

Thats how it always is, isn’t it, when we discover something new, our curiosity is increased. We want to know more, we turn and focus our attention to it. The longer our attention is turned towards the new discovery the more it becomes part of us.

We develop a bond or some might say a relationship.

About fifty years ago, there came a moment for a lesson to be learned at that hollowed out fence post. Of all the children who took interest in those little birds, apparently I had a the most interest.

I can still see their little scrawny necks, stretching up, with their beaks wide open to be feed, as I gazed into that nest. Even to my little mind, they seemed hungry. So I fed them.

My next recollection is of my mother taking me for a walk to that hollowed out fence post. I suppose the day was as pleasant as any summer day would be.

I can still sense, though faintly, those same feelings as she walked with me.

When we reached the fence post, my mother asked me about the birds and if I had been the one feeding them. I recall I felt a sense that perhaps I had done something not quite right. I answered, yes. Then she bade me look inside. The small fragile birds were no longer stretching their necks, with their beaks wide open.

They were quite still now. I had taken small pebbles and dropped them down to the birds thinking I was feeding them. I learned that day birds could not eat stones.

Though it some ways it was a sad lesson for a young girl to learn that day, I can see other lessons in that moment now.

One lesson is you can love someone to death.

Pay better attention to what you turn your attention towards.